Not to be cliche, but it's a brand new year today. Many people are starting new commitments, new goals and their journey towards a brand new self.
You won't find that at Leaving Fatville today. Years ago, I made a resolution to not make resolutions. I've stuck steadfastly to that and today won't be any different. Instead, we recap our year and try to see what we've learned. After all, those that don't recognize the past are doomed to repeat it, right?
January sees a lot of wide, sweeping changes. Pantries being emptied, new goals to be reached, new habits to form. Then, by Februrary, in the aftermath of Valentine's candy, there's a new low, all those lofty goals are sideswept when life got in the way. The guilt sets in and the bad habits return. It's an evil little cycle, and I've managed to beat it.Today is not about change. Today is about a quiet reflection of the past year and what this year might hold for us.
2012 turned into a good year, but it started out rocky. A last minute move made the beginning of 2012 with very little pocket money. We were happy to find a place that suited us and had some wonderful neighbors just down the road. We were among friends, and we were happy even if we were broke.
Before we knew it, Baby O made his appearance at the end of March and our whole world changed again. Even though the birth didn't go the way I'd envisioned, I experienced as much as I could safely. Lucky for us, he was delivered safely. Not much sleep made the spring just fly by, but we loved watching our little family grow.
We didn't expect to hear about a budget crisis at my job while I was on maternity leave. We really didn't expect that I'd be called back from maternity leave to be laid off just two weeks later along with 200 other people. Severance came in handy, but another huge decision was about to be made for us. Going back to an office with Baby O only months old didn't seem right to me. I had to do it with E and I felt like I missed so much. The bond between my husband and E was so strong, there were times I felt like an interloper. (Sometimes, I still do.) I got my chance to be a stay at home/work at home mom with Baby O. I got to see the moments I had to watch on video for E. I felt a bond that it took so much longer to achieve with E happen with Baby O almost right away. I was able to breastfeed for as long as possible and it made me happy.
Through friends and generous former coworkers, I was able to make stay at home and work at home work for us. I'm able to pick up my preschooler form school every day, and I get to see all the baby smiles I can get. It made a difference in who I am and how I work.
I made some important self-discoveries, too. I had to change how I worked. I had to release the bonds of a templated graphic design that I'd been working in for 4 years. I had to learn how to create again, I had to start all over. I had nothing to pull on, no resources. I'd been in a bubble for 4 years. It was terrifying and exhilarating. And I'll be ever thankful for the friend that let me spread my wings and told me not to be afraid. (And check my work!) I'll always be in debt to her patience with me, when I am reasonably sure she wanted to strangle me more than once for rushing through the work. I learned that it's okay to be scared, but it's not okay to be paralyzed by that fear. It's okay to try and fail, that's how you learn. Get up, brush yourself off and try to do better next time. (That applies to both graphic design work AND parenting.) I learned that sometimes, you just have to jump and worry about where you'll land later. It's not easy, but smiling while you do it sure does help.
E learned how to be a big brother. He started getting a chore chart and prizes or allowance, and starting to do more for himself. Getting dressed, brushing his teeth all started to be on his own. E learned how to be preschooler, and lost all the cute toddler cubby cheeks. He turned into a little boy when I wasn't looking. Suddenly, there was a little kid telling fart jokes at the dinner table and laughing his fool head off. He would tell fantastical stories and build Lego creations that had back stories and multi-functions. I hope he holds on to that wonderful imagination. He'll go places with all those ideas, I'm sure of it.
Hubs won't admit it, but he learned some lessons, too. He made a new friends, something that's never been easy for him. Friends that understand language has to be curbed and certain things spelled in the presence of small people. Friends that understand what being part of a family means. Friends that pull him out of his head when he needs it. It makes him happy and that makes me happy.
2012 was year of learning to do more with less. We still have a small budget, but we do more with it (thanks to coupons). We learned how to be a bigger family. We learned that bad things don't have to last forever. We learned how to change our outlook. We learned that sometimes, opportunity hides in the less obvious places.